Inside Out (Poem)

I coughed and blood splattered
The palm of my hand that I 
Held to my mouth that formed
A perfect 'o' of surprise when I 
Saw the bright red that should
Be inside start to leak outside.
Flashlights and requests to look
Inside my mouth yielded nothing
But disappointment
Just blood with no obvious cause
Nowhere to put some five dollar
Drug store ointment. 
The steady drip drip drip began
My body a porous bag leaking
Red stuff where the red stuff
Should not be leaking.
Alarming patterns of waking up
Pillow bloody, a mouthful of
Grotesque metallic liquid
Scarlet flag waving
Putting up the signs in the
Wasteland of my middle aged
Body that something had gone
Awry. 

Every day waking up disappointed
To see more of the gory inside of 
Me on the outside in tissues and 
Bathroom sinks, pillow cases 
I started to think that this might
Not be something that would 
Simply heal up and go away. 
Swollen hands constantly
Gripping tissues that staunch 
The flow that continues
Whether I cough or not
Hopeful spitting but find yet
More pink and red and tiny clots
Staining more white surfaces 
With fire alarm hues
Tolling some distant bell
That will bring in that ultimate
Bad news. 

Then came the doctors to pull
Blood from my arm into their
Tubes, leaving me bruised 
Like a crushed rose petal 
And this blank period waiting
For more tests to find out 
Why my platelets
Are disappearing and my body
A hotbed of fiery inflammation
While the drip drip drip
Continues  and requests for me to
Try and not cough so hard sound
More alarmed and I can barely get
Myself up and out of bed. 

I try to hide the fear that grows
In my head behind a wall of 
Uncharacteristic breeziness.
I am doing my best but with each 
Smile the world grows more uneasy
As if it might have to eventually
Have some pity and be kind to me. 

I am here with my clotted rags
And my vampire smile holding 
Onto nothing and looking back
At mile after blood soaked mile.