I used to be a very sociable type of person. I liked people, I liked helping others, and was full of the milk of human kindness. What changed for me was social media. The comments sections of news outlets and the cesspool which is reddit and twitter has turned me into a misanthropist. You see from behind that screen people can say what like, mean say, or not as the urge takes them, and let their deepest darkest expressions of their inhumanity and wrongness out into a light of day that they never should have seen.
I now know that most people still hate the Japanese, even if they are the same people who are heavy consumers of Japanese media. The number of people who think that nuking a bunch of women, children and civilians was a good idea, and the only way forwards is vast and unfathomable. Of those there is a vast contingent that make racist ‘rice crispy’ jokes about Japanese people who have been nuked, in a dehumanizing horror show of lack of decent sentiment. It does not matter to these freaks ruled by prejudice and hatred that the perpetrators of Japanese war crimes are long dead, that no one in living now has committed these crimes and that the Japanese are a peaceful bunch who like good food and nature. It doesn’t matter that the facts of history prove that the Japanese tried to surrender at the Battle of the Midway, and that their surrender was refused and they were nuked twice anyway. It doesn’t matter that the main victims were women and children. Not to these people. Not to people who dehumanize others from a different race.
I read highly disturbing anti semitic bile, I read women-hating shit that blames women for their own murders and for being raped. I read over and over again denials of reality, and vast and ridiculous conspiracy theories on both left and right sides. I shudder as the homeless and the undocumented are blamed for all the ills of society. I read the news today, oh boy, and still Joe Biden has not reinstated the Dreamer program, nor shut the detention centers on the border that lock up children, and still has not come up with any kind of relief for the homeless, the poor and the suffering, despite having a huge majority to work with…and one that he is about to lose, rendering him into a lame duck, not a lazy duck as he is now. How on earth did we lose abortion rights under a Democratic President with a huge mandate, and him not do a thing about it? What is the point voting democrat when they are concerned only with the window-dressing and not with the meat of the problems. Now look where we are! Poised to endure another Republican hate-fest. Great.
Of course I am undocumented and cannot vote, but even if I could there is no one I want to vote for. They are all as bad as each other. Americans need another viable option, they need candidates better than that stroke victim and some hokey TV doctor! To be frank, we needed someone a lot better than Joe Biden, who might well have been a mental power house as some point…but that point clearly past at least 35 years ago. We are being let down horrendously.
America has got to the point where we all hate each other. Anyone who knows me, knows my heart is not full of hate. When even I have had enough of almost everybody apart from a few close friends that I trust, and when even I would not cross over the street to help another soul something is very rotten in the States. You see, according to the world-online I am guessing that person in need probably has some horrendous ideals and at the very least would argue with me over how to make a cup of tea (milk in after, or else, motherfuckers) or where route 101 runs, I don’t feel much inclined to show mercy. I am only partly joking.
It was so much better when we didn’t know what each other was thinking. It was so much better when we had to wait until someone was good and drunk to know their true (im)moral foibles and quirks, and they were right there in front of us to smack round the face a few times; or at least piss in their beer and delete their phone number. Now it is all vast legions of faceless assholes, each with views that would make Adolf Hitler and Josef Stalin blush, and it ain’t just the right wing contingent that is making my eyeballs bounce round in my skull in a kind of ethical whiplash.
The left has a bad problem with intolerance. It is their way or the high way. You have to accept the full package of woke beliefs and adhere to the party line, or else. You have to repeat the mantra, science is science, love is love, men are women, women are men, up is down and left is always damn right, absolutely fucking correct, or else. I just don’t feel it, or at least don’t feel all of it, and I will not be bullied into accepting a woke package of beliefs. There is no room for individuality anymore. The other side, meanwhile is letting it all hang out and voicing hateful beliefs that make me fear for our collective future.
There is no choice in the left-land but to spout the falsities that Asians/=white, that the Jewish people are to blame for everything and that all white women are evil Karens. It is not acceptable to pick and choose in the Democrat party’s paradigm, and that is going to be their downfall this election cycle. There is no center position. The right are as bad. No abortions, no gay marriage, deport all undocumented people, the poor are bad because they are poor – and them being poor proves this. The list goes on. I don’t much care for the propaganda of either side. It is not just the USA: world politics are in the toilet and we all know it. Any thinking person sees that the old men are leading the rest of us into WW3, and to be frank, I can’t be assed to play along, and neither should you be.
There is no center. There are no political practitioners of humanist center politics. There is left and there is right, and neither side is particularly appetizing. Where have all the sensible centrists gone? Politics is now a battle of the propaganda machinery of either side. When Joe Biden won the Washington Post’s ‘Bottomless Pinocchio’ award, the writing was on the wall for his administration. Even the Post is not willing to ignore the more flagrant of his dissembling and mis-spoken claims, and if they tried to, they would lose all credibility. For the sake of the country I can only hope he steps down for health reasons and lets the more competent Kamala Harris take charge. It certainly can’t be any worse than it is now.
But I digress, back to my emergent misanthropy. It is true. I dislike almost everyone equally. From Kanye being utterly dismayingly anti-semitic, to the white and blonde college student who racially abused her black classmate and then was not kicked out of school as a result, to the young men who attack Asian people because they do not like Asian people and yet are not charged with hate crimes. Where is the justice? Whatever happened to loving each other, or at least tolerating each other and not trying to hurt, maim and kill based on prejudices!
I made up my mind to stop reading the comment sections and twitter. I deleted my reddit account and instagram. I now know and accept that people are generally hateful and the slant of the human heart moves not towards justice and kindness but towards irrational hatred and dehumanizing cruelty. My heart breaks for this country that I love so well. I now accept that people don’t say it, but they think it, and when I look outside my window I see nothing but hostility and danger. I don’t care to make friends, because I know what people out there are thinking, and I really can’t take the chance on some new person not being a danger. After all, who knows what they post on their throwaway twitter account, or their not main reddit profile. Who knows if they make ‘rice crispy’ jokes, or use slurs in the privacy of their own homes. I remain disgusted, and I really don’t want to know any more. I have seen enough.
I actually believe Elon Musk is doing a good thing opening up twitter so people can speak freely. Freedom of speech lets the light shine onto the evil that has grown in the dark of no-repercussions, and then it can be dealt with. I would no more pay to go on twitter than I would pay to go on any website, but understand the billionaire has to make even more money somehow – he is not doing this out of the goodness of his heart, or some kind of charitable desire to save freedom of speech. He bought a business. In the short time I lurked after he purchased the company things went from bad to worse. Everyone was letting it all hang out. Slurs being thrown, the sludge of prejudice filling up the pages and discussion ranging from healthily robust to toxically grotesque. He still has not fixed the problem of adult content of various perverted kinds being peddled, but at least terfy feminists can have their say. I don’t think it is worth it. I decided that the average IQ on twitter is very low, that the discussion is banally evil (the worst kind), and that it was fuelling my hatred of other people to the point of no return. I don’t want to hate all of y’all and not care what happens to anyone else. It is not me. So I deleted the entire thing and gave up. I will probably be back unless the Chief Twit puts it behind a paywall, but not under my nom de plume or my real name. There are some dangerous people out there with some big ugly ideas, and to be frank I am afraid.
I am resigned to being alone. I wonder how many people are out there, fellow islands in seas of hatred, their shorelines being battered by the waves of cruelty and disgusting violent sentiment, who look out from their own lighthouses and wonder if there is another human being out there who cares any more. Too late. It is too late to care. The damage is done. ‘I used to care’, just like Bob Dylan sang, ‘but things have changed’. I don’t care much for love that let me down, I don’t care much for kindness, which I suspect to be fake. I don’t care much for war and have no faith in peace. I don’t even care much about writing. I wish I still could. I care about my Ruthie, and my Boy. I want to look at other people and care about them too once more, but I can’t. My eyes are open.
I continue to go about my life doing no harm, being peaceful and keeping my distance. I don’t wish anybody ill, just stay the heck away from me. I can’t take any more attacks, attempts to hurt me, threats or abuse. I have had enough. The politicians making all their fake promises and crazy noise in an attempt to point score and influence people makes me sick. The world is making me sick. I don’t know if we can turn this Humanity-Ship around. I suspect it will work itself out and people will return to the center but it is going to take a lot to do so. I just hope the young ones have a bit of hope left, but not trust. Trust is a dangerous animal and can turn on you for no reason.
Like I always tell the kid, stay aware, stay vigilant, do no harm, and if you get a bad feeling run like hell. I’m not paranoid, I am just realistic. I’ve read the writing on the cyber wall of twitter, and it does not bode well.