I Will Not

I've had enough
Of being mistreated
And told that 
It is my
Rawness 
That is to blame.
I have been told 
My entire life
That it is not ok
To react 
When others 
Hurt me
That I must
Bite my lip
Hold my tongue - 
Right or wrong - 
Understand 
That they matter
And I matter
None. 

Other people get
Boundaries
And to be able
To say
"Hey. This is quite
Enough!"
While I have to 
Bob my head and
Quaver, 
Bow my knee
And with a laser
Eye and a steady
Hand
Keep on walking
Towards some
Never appearing 
Promised land. 

I have had enough
Of excuses and 
Regrets
I have had enough of
'Maybe later'
And 'not yet'
I have had enough
Of 'they are all
Perfectly nice'
When the niceness
Towards me
Is more like
A blank faced
Cut by a knife. 

No. I will not
Take it any more
Nor bow my knee
Even if I do 
Drown before
I reach the 
Shore.