A War Worth Fighting For

Once there was a day
Beyond this war,
And I asked you 
What are we doing?
What are we struggling for?
Fighting, wasting time,
Barricading this door.
Sleeping in fits and starts
Amongst the detritus
Of our shattered lives
And broken hearts. 
Rocking on cracked 
Suspension at 
Fifty miles per hour,
Spending days
As though they were sand
Through an egg timer.
There were mystical trees, 
Flooded camps and scraped knees.
Broken fingers, mouse traps
Funhouses, coastal passes,
Farms and boulders,
Coyotes and owls
Lakes and travel cup holders
And others
Who were not like you
Or me. 
And I asked you in a Walmart
Parking lot in Salinas
If you would wait for me.
You were still there when 
I exited with a stolen 
Gallon of water
And a box of crackers
That you had asked for. 
"What am I doing?"
I said to the empty space
That lay between me 
And the world 
As you hugged a man called Dale
And prayed to lift his load.
He didn't smell good
And his feet were black
He needed a bathtub 
Full of gin
And someone to take care of him. 
All I had to wear was what I 
Stood in.
I had nothing to give
But an urge to give in. 
All I owned was the love that 
I bathed in. 
I want to go on forever
I want to ride that 101
Even if there is no heaven
Just green northern
Treasure. 
All the way to the
Point of life that
Proved to exist
After there were
No more.....trees.
I remember sitting
In a cafe on the way 
To the airport:
I never would have gone
If I had known
If I had known 
What would happen
When I did run.
I never would have gone. 

But I did go
Selfishly tried to live
Eating coconut paletas 
In August in Modesto,
Trying to find a bathroom
Where some of us could go
I wished I could cross my legs
And not need to.
There is no hope 
No hope for us
Or the others.
Yet on we go. 

And the light on the 
Water at Friendship Landing
Sparkled as my synapses
Tripped blue
And the feet on the sand
Glowed a million shades
Of glitter for me.
Did they go for you?
And the colors never
Looked so drenched
And the intense feelings
Of love never felt so 
Immense. 
And the time we stopped
And ate a pie
On the beach as the dawn
Drew down, the sea
Lapping at my feet
The laughter
Shaking the storm
Squeezing the lime
Drinking it down
Strange magick,
Half crystalized
Part tragic.

Once there was a day,
Before this war
And I wore blue stockings
And all the boys asked:
"Hey...what is she fighting
For?"
And I told you I didn't like
People,
And you told me
That was untrue
As I wandered off
To find another year
Worth the fighting 
For. 
And you left to be
The you that you
Pretended not 
To be to me. 

Somewhere out there
On the 101 there is
A ghost of a smile
In the window
Of a truck
Travelling forever 
North with the sea
To the left
And the cliff face to the right
And someone 
Who once loved
With all of her
Might. 

Photograph By Detroit Richards

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