Where were you when it all started: Your thumbs through my belt loops. Were you standing right behind me? Were you in love, Or more astute? I saw you in the mirror With my name carved on Your chest, But was your mind in the gutter? Did you caress my body In your head? Were your intentions muddied? They looked torn and bent with Promises that were ill thought Out and hurried. Your love was only lent. Was it started by half past two - And over by quarter to three? And now that it is done - All that you And all that me Are Eden's gates still burning? Or have you jumped a Newsstand or two? Did you light that Patchwork bone On the embers of All that bloodied Expectation: The knowledge that I thought good of you? Did you ever intend To use that phone call Home? Or were you conceited As you secreted The knowledge of a Wife and kid or two? When you drove off And left me in Washington Did you mean not To return? Did you really think You could keep on Hurting me And that I would Never Learn? Did you overdose on The medicine? Did you run a clean Machine? Did you disinfect With ethanol to Make your insides gleam? Did you filter out The sediment or Did you burn With cotton Fever? Did you ever learn How to play the game Or did you need me For that one too, You utterly dependent Old Geezer? There was never Any going back As soon as we laid Eyes on each other. I thought I wanted Redemption But looked for it In all the wrong places. You thought you Wanted my attention And considered Taking it At your discretion To be my duty And my pleasure. I thought you were Selling sanctuary But you only dealt Illusion and Loss. You thought I Would give you Everything No matter what the cost. You considered me to Owe Because you rescued me. I thought perhaps that One day Your toe Might find it Out of the dirt And step back Over the line And you would be To be a decent Man to me. Pretending to be The good guy The moral And the caring Pretending you Loved the children While inside You were swearing. Taking all my treasure And turning it into Bile And all that Blacktop Each mile After mile After mile With your Choices on the stereo Your hand upon the wheel You said you gave me Freedom, But each and every time We crossed the Border you would Squeal Like a pig Sulk like a hen That has been shut Inside the bird house To keep her safe within. You said you hated California - My safety was Never your concern You wanted me to Talk to your daughter But when she cursed me You never got stern. To be honest in those Final days When you were drunk And liked to play Listen to me Talk to me Baby me And then Haunt me Scare me Then threaten Soothe me Then lessen me, Coked up Cracked out Methed up Passed out Smoke em If you got em And pull that Wire tight Burn it at Both ends And make a Mockery out of The night I swear I might Have stopped Listening Stopped listening At all. Hearing you Dying On the phone line Haunts me Still. The last thing I said was not very friendly Could not be considered Nice. And now I have to Live With the sharp side Of your knife. In the end All you left me Was sadness And disappointment, And the memories Now sullied Of that Road Trip Which is no salve Nor ointment For my tears - Not worth any Of those fears... No balm for The wasted time or For the children That you denied me And the time that You took from me And the years That you lied to me And the fact You never cried for me Like I cried for you. Bo fucking hoo. I am even defeated By your death There is no way Around this And now that I am Quite alone And getting older By the day Waiting for my remaining Child to say That he has to go Away, And for that I will never forgive you. For that If I ever see you In some afterlife Some other worldly Paradise You had better start running Because I will Tear your throat out And make you Sing for my mercy You nasty Dirty Little Man Before I bury you In the Potter's loam. You gave my life back To me, Once you had taken Everything you wanted From me, And never even thanked Me for the loan.