I went up to the cafe, the cafe on the corner
The waitress she came over, came to take my order
She offered me bacon, she offered me some eggs
But she offered me no solution for the fire in my head
We had just come off the mountain in the springtime of our souls
We’d just come off the mountain, we were rocked and rolled
Down into town with a hundred suspicious eyes
We’re not taking orders, they all seemed to cry
So the waitress she picked up her pen
What is that that you want, where do you belong?
I told her
I don’t want to be your general
Don’t want to rob your bank
Don’t want to burn your precinct
Don’t want to run your river dry
I just want to live
So I looked her in the eye:
I know you are only taking orders
But your radio frequency’s in doubt
You are tuned into hatred…..
And she screamed
Get out!
So I looked around me to see what there was left to loot –
A store that sold kites
In a hundred glowing shades
A shop full of plastic flowers;
One selling razor blades.
I dont want what you are selling
I don’t need to toe your line
I just want to be left to live –
So I got on my knees and cried…
As I tried to rise I realized that I wasnt free
I was pinned to the floor by a blue suited knee
He had me by the neck
He had me by the wrist
He had me and I knew my life was at risk.
I know you are only taking orders
But your radio frequency’s wrong
You are tuned into hatred –
You are playing the wrong song
He grabbed me and he looked at me
And didn’t much like what he saw
So he pepper sprayed me
And smashed my head against the door.
I woke up in a jail cell in this town of Contempt
I was dry and thirsty
My neck was all bent
By the yoke of suffering
By the chains of shame
I went to throw them off
And cried to the skies in pain.
I just want to live
I just want to breathe
I just want to be allowed to get up off my knees
When I looked up, much to my surprise
Standing there was the waitress with tears in her eyes
She passed me a plate and a canteen of tea
She said “Im so sorry friend, now that I can see”
She said “the town’s on fire
The cops have fled the scene
The streets are aflame
And the church bells they don’t ring
And if this is the end
I know who I am
I’m the one that helps a stranger in this land.
I was only taking orders
And I know now I was wrong
My radio was tuned into Hatred 101
He sits in his bunker
Computer on his knee
Twittering malcontent
And fueling anarchy.”
As we burst into the streets
The daylight took us by surprise
Blinded by the sun
Hungered, terrorized
We made out into the desert
The road stretched many miles
We toured all the gold mines
Whilst dodging all the fires.
And as those wheels rolled
Down the shingle and the road
There started up an old song
About weights and loads
They were singing
Keep your lamps lit
Keep your powder dry
Call no man master
If you can’t look him in the eye.
Keep your radio’s tuned and
Keep your horses tied
Keep a good watch
On the half truths and the lies,
And never should you judge
On how another prays
There are many paths that lead
And go roughly the same way
And when you look in the mirror
See if you can stand yourself
And if you want to turn away
And are drawn to the razorblade on the shelf
Spin that radio dial
Flip that final switch
You skin won’t feel right
If you don’t scratch that itch.
We had come down off the mountain
In the Springtime of our souls
We had come down off the mountain
We were rocked and rolled.
Oh my gosh, Ariana darling. I am so very very sorry for your loss. You can probably guess how I feel about such brutality. You have my love and solidarity. I am afraid I don’t know what to say, other than I care very much indeed. xx HUG, xx
I’m white too. My son is not. I have, however, recovered from a drug problem and know how the entire world seems to conspire to destroy you as a result. It sounds to me as if your outrage is justified.
You are a lovely person, I truly am ever so sorry to hear about your brother’s untimely death, it sounds as if you loved him very much, despite his issues. Darling…sending you love, strength and understanding…and my outrage for what it is worth. xxx hug xx
Thinking of you, Ariana. As much as SF has got scary recently, things cannot be allowed to carry on with police being a danger to citizens on a regular basis. They should not be allowed to be judge, jury and executioner. Your love and warmth and the positive things you do in this world – I am sure he would be so so proud of you. Solidarity – what happened to your brother was beyond wrong, and I am so very very sad for your family.
I definitely have time to listen, Ariana. As far as I am concerned what happened to your brother was criminal, and if I had my way the people responsible would be prosecuted for at least manslaughter. I am no lawyer, but to be shot, unarmed at point blank range is not self defense, it is a criminal act of a deeply fucking broken system. I am so glad you have reached some kind of peace, and am very very sorry that he didn’t get to the point where he could have put his past behind him.
I too believe sentences for drug use are excessive – I was never locked up. There needs to be more done to help people than just ignore the problem, like is happening in SF. Don’t prosecute as long as no other crime has been committed, but it is inhumane to let people rot on the street until they die of a fent overdose.
I am at my own peace with being trash, darling. I’m a few years clean of drugs, with long periods of being clean before that, and a couple of years free of booze. It is not always comfortable, and sometimes it is very hard for me, but I am grateful I got the chance to live…and I am so very sorry your brother was not afforded the same dignity and basic right, so very very sorry. xx You can always talk to me about him. I would love to hear about who he was apart from the drugs – because there are people beneath what the drugs do, people that matter. All my love. Im so sorry the fucking bastards deprived you of your brother. I worry sometimes about having opinions because I haven’t yet got my VAWA visa, so am nervous about voicing my true feelings – I am still illegal, if that makes sense …. I am rapidly getting to the point of “fuck it”…xx
Ariana, It is absolutely heartbreaking. None of those things (that they had no proof of anyway) carry an automatic death penalty without judge, trial or jury. The lies in the police report are insulting. Your brother’s life mattered. He deserves justice. He deserves to be remembered. I don’t think prison is the answer either, Ariana. The answer is in no more death squad cops killing citizens in a case of itchy trigger fingers. The answer is in compassionate addiction care. Can I ask which state this was in?
He sounded like a sweet and compassionate man, who used drugs to blunt the brutality of life. A sensitive soul.
I would like to offer to talk more, and write a piece on my blog about him and the impact this has had on your life, if you think it would be appropriate and something that you might find a comfort.
I have my Tuesday up ahead – it is meetings all day, darling, so I have to rush, but I am around later. Sorry I have to rush off.
And I am so very sorry for the lack of justice for your brother, I am so very sorry you lost him, and you have my love understanding and solidarity. Ill catch up later, I didn’t want this to go unanswered. All my love to you x
Again, I am so very sorry for your loss…and gladdened to hear the community rallied around. The trauma for your family must be immense. What happened to him was so unjust. He sounded like a good guy who just needed the opportunity to recover his life.
I am in no position to judge anyone, darling! Thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge of your brother. I won’t forget him.