Punk Of The Week #1

I have never been good at keeping my mouth shut. I get variously shamed for speaking my mind, the dampening effect lasts a few days at most, and then there I am again – like a dog after a rabbit, harrying the hare, snapping at heels and generally making a nuisance of myself! Opinions sit there bubbling up in my solar plexus like I have just chugged a couple of gallons of soda with extra CO2 and it just has to come out one way or another.

Hunter S Thompson had his “Swine of the Week” column in the ’80s, and very amusing it was too. Hunter took aim at everyone from baseball players who corked their bats (n.b. Ruthie, if you hollow out a bat, and put cork in the center then fill in the top, the baseball goes further scoring the much valued home runs…though unsportingly and illegally so), to rapists, crooked politicians, and drunk taxi drivers who fail to get him and his wife to the airport on time. I’m not nearly as ornery as Hunter, nor a fraction as talented, however I’ve just about enough zip left in me to manage a weekly column in a similar vein. There will be no prizes except the notoriety of a mention, self submissions will not be allowed, and I reserve editorial rights to lampoon whichever porcine prickhead punk piques my fancy.

In the interests of not being a pansy myself, I will allow comments, retractions, verbal fisticuffs and self defense moves barely subject to my dictatorial moderation tendencies. This endeavor may or may not have been spurred by an early possible candidate – a blogger who in a Ricky Gervais-esque post used the word retard in a negative fashion to slur, then proceeded to pout about snowflakes and wanting to trigger people in an attempt at a shock defense of humor or freedom of speech….which is all well and good, but her bravery didn’t extend to allowing comments on the post.

She was only brave as long as people couldn’t answer back! It raised the irritation level to a mild burp of distaste… I understand feminists blocking all comments to protect themselves, but if you can deal disablist insults using free speech to hide behind, surely being able to take a bit of free speech back in return is a necessary evil…otherwise you look a bit like the snowflakes you are lashing out at! Fly that freedom of speech flag, Sister, but come on, not allowing comments on a freedom of speech exercise in offensive disablist slurs? That’s just sloppy and wussy. Sure use medical conditions as insults, lovely, but I reserve the right to call you a cruel piece of shit without moral compass in return, and to boot one with not an ounce of empathy or decency. You ain’t edgy, you are cruel, and I can’t stand cruelty. Congratulations, you triggered this ex-carer. Punk.

I blame Ricky Gervais…but there is no point picking on him nowadays, he is a washed up has-been at this point, but at least he did that shock comedy so much better, and handled hecklers with aplomb. I can’t stand the bastard though. He makes me sick every time I see his smug face. The offence has faded out into a lingering sulfuric-scented disgust whenever I forget I hate him and watch his stand up or nasty little sitcom. It is not nearly enough to deserve Prick of the Week, no matter what kind of dull pretenders to the throne of yuck he has inspired. Besides, he would enjoy it too much, and it would only give him another phallus to polish. No we need a slightly more salty antihero for these pandemic times.

I need lower hanging fruit which is more rotten and more universally hated. I didn’t claim to be fair or particularly inventive.

People, I give you to Dr Fauci. A man who has more flip flops than a Brazilian shoe factory, offered conflicting advice depending on whom he is currently trying to please, a man who plays to the camera and his love of the spotlight, and to be frank, seems to have been trolling all of us, whichever side of the mask/vaccine/ ‘this whole shit show is a biological weapon’ divide we fall on.

For the record, in the interests of transparency, I am a Trump-detesting, Q-freak mocking, mask wearing, glove wearing purell addict, who will not take a vaccine until at least 2023 and perhaps not even then depending on what shakes; and who was sounding the alarm bell early on, only to be told I was worrying for nothing by my nearest and dearest, and became a vague object of mockery when I started wearing home made masks to the grocery store and disinfecting the shopping. I’ve calmed down a little since those days but still have a fear of touching my face, and won’t go near others with a 6 foot barge pole if I can at all help it.

Dr. F is a pretty sound candidate for Punk of the Week, since he has pissed off the entire country at one point or another in what appears to be a classic case of pleasing all of the people all of the time impossibility trip. This guy just wants you to love him. This was his moment to shine. Don’t need to wear a mask he tells us then hits us with the just wear one all the time even when you are suffocating, and now back to forget masks and hug everybody, despite the fact that not even 50 percent of the population are vaccinated, and the vaccine doesn’t prevent transmission of the virus anyway, nor does it stop people from getting it, just makes you likely to be asymptomatic.

What happened to my mask protects you, your mask protects me? It is a cynical attempt to lure people into vaccination with the promise of throwing away the dreaded and hated masks. I’ll admit I quite like mine now, though preferred the days when I just had a foam bra cup sewn to some ribbon and covered up with a bandanna.

The worst of it for me was first he told us that kid’s are not affected, don’t worry about children (proved mostly but not totally true)… then it’s vaccinate all of them right now, and be damned that some children and young people are getting enlarged hearts four days after their second vaccination and the damned things aren’t even FDA approved until 2023. Don’t even get me started on ‘It started in a wet market with some bat eating action’ (Hunter could grok the bat eating, I’m sure. There must be a high in there somewhere, bit like licking toads), then all of a sudden today he is leaning towards it all being a biological weapons leak after all.

The man can’t get his stories straight, has lost all credibility, and to be frank, I can’t stand the sight of him. He confused the issues, bent to the will of whoever had their puppet hand up his backside, while we were all given such mixed messages that it damn near broke the country.

I wanted to like Fauci. I wanted to be on his side, but it was one U turn too many, and he spent too long mocking and dismissing both sides and I suspect his flip flopping cost lives and the health of the nation. Punk of the Week.