I grabbed the Boy’s arm and dragged him to the door. We were going to go out. We were going to go out and have fun if it killed me. I amuse myself sometimes. We had to walk up to pick up some things from an Amazon locker, just socks and a few white tees, so up we go, dodging the man screaming outside the methadone clinic. If I had caused shit like that outside the clinic in the days I was using, I would have been banned. We are too soft on people nowadays. If you want your shit behave yourself.
I don’t know how this happens, but my days seem to have themes. Today was the day of the strange men who are a bit shit really. I’m short and skinny, like really short. I’m short but not invisible. So there I am in Nijiya Market when this immensely tall man walks right over me. He was like an icebreaker ship to my little rowboat, he just walked forwards towards me, and didn’t stop. I shifted backwards, trying to dodge physical contact, but he kept moving forwards, separating me and my Boy. I started to panic as he kept pushing me further and further away, eventually stepping on me. A six foot stupid bulldozer in a beanie. Boy dashed past him knowing how I get scared and put his arm around me, glaring at this full grown man that towered over us. What the fuck is wrong with some men. What the fuck is wrong with them…
We shrug it off and head off to another shop to pick up a few things. The man who is dealing with customers by the door, letting people in and counting how many in the shop, refuses to talk to me. He doesn’t talk to women, apparently. Instead he mimes. He scowls, points and plays a game of charades. I ask him “do you want me to wait outside? Are there too many people in the shop?” He shakes his head and performs a more dramatic scowling performance.
I know this guy, I have heard him talk. He CAN talk. Now he is laughing at me. “What do you WANT!” I ask? He mimes and play acts like an irritating Perot clown in a Paris square trying to persuade people he is in a box, except this isn’t mindless wankery, this is passive aggressive fuckery.
I get the message. He wants me to use hand sanitizer. This is a new one. I tell him IN WORDS that I have my own, and he stares as I use it. He thinks he is hilarious. I don’t like being the butt of his jokes. I don’t enjoy being his entertainment. After being forced by him to turn in circles like a performing poodle for his kicks, the jerk made me cry.
Fuck him and his stupid hair and his stupid woman hating. Fuck him and his inadequacies. If he doesn’t want to use words to people then don’t put him on the damn door.
By this point I just want to go home. I just want to watch baseball, or write, or play my guitar. Alert after alert tells me of various slashings of women, attacks on women, beep beep another inadequate has taken his frustrations out on a female.
I decided I am going to get the most kick ass looking pittie as soon as I can, and the two of us are going to stalk the streets in matching studded leather collars growling at people we don’t like the smell of.