Bay Area Criminals On A Roll

Yesterday was a food themed day for the bad guys of the Bay Area.

Subway got robbed at GUNPOINT, of a six inch sub, three cookies and a bag of chips. He didn’t even get a drink or a footlong. Listen, man, if you can’t be bothered to go to the foodbank, are too lazy to beg for food, surely you can think of a way of stealing something to eat which does not involve sticking a gun in the face of a minimum wage worker in Subway. Armed robbery and you don’t even get a footlong or a soda, that’s federal time, and quite deserved, for a $15 lunch. The perp was described as being 200 pounds, white and male. I won’t shame him on his food choices, but seriously, sell the gun before you threaten the life of another human being. The fool didn’t even bother to rob the money. I hope they get his dumb dangerous bad self before he really hurts someone. This is the kind of dude that ends up blowing off his own weiner. I’m not holding my breath they will catch him, to be frank the state of policing here, I don’t think they will even try.

Then there was the dude in Berkley who was throwing carrots at a woman whilst riding a scooter. I hope they were organic, or else the Berkley crowd will judge you. Seriously, as amusing as this is in words, actually having things thrown at you by a man is terrifying and threatening, and it is not ok. It is not the carrots, but what else he might have done that is truly terrifying. I hope she is ok. I would say ‘only in Berkley’ but know these freaks are everywhere and they are very threatening, especially towards women.

Staying with weird men, can we have a “belts for SF men” fund? So many men here with their pants down by their knees, disheveled rather than flashing. Or at least that is what I presume. Perhaps their dicks are the only thing they have left. Just a small public (or should that be pubic) service announcement: can all men please hide their sausages in your pants. Y’all are making me sick….and a bit nervous.

The rest of it carried on in much the same way SF has always carried on – knives and machetes, arson, guns and shootings. Except it has got worse recently, and even I can’t deny that. So what is the answer? I think I know…we need Spiderman. Or at least the Caped Crusader. In the absence of that, I think I need some pepper spray. I think it would go nicely with those carrots.