I am scared most of the time. I am scared of other people, their reactions, and the ways they can hurt me. I am scared of hurting other’s feelings, but some people don’t seem scared of hurting mine.

I am scared of my ex husband. I am scared of the future. I am scared of losing my son. I am scared that something will happen to him. I am scared of where we will live. I am scared IF we will live.

I am scared of what might happen if I fail. I am scared of what will happen if I succeed. I am scared. I am scared because I already lost. I am scared because I have not yet lost everything.

I am scared that my words will be misunderstood. I am scared they will be used against me. I am scared they will fizzle and die away having not left a mark at all.

I am scared there is a Lord above. I am scared that there is not. I am scared I have slammed my decision down on the wrong side of the fence. I am scared I will cause offense. I am scared I am unacceptable. I am so scared my heart beats out of my chest. I am scared, I am so scared because I am too raw. I am scared because I got old. I am relieved that I did get old.

I am scared I will die alone. I am aware we all die alone.

I know tomorrow might be a better day. Yesterday was.

I am scared of pain. I am scared of it’s absence.

There is no cure. There is no salve. There is only time and fighting the overwhelming wave of how I feel right now.

All I can say is I love. I love and I know its not enough, but it is all I have today.


      1. Chip

        I like it! Thank you. “I like it” sounds lame I know, but if you knew my facial expression and tone in my voice, you’d know it was a good thing.

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