My father abused me and my mother was complicit. I don’t have family. I did ask for help now and then, I told them I was being hurt. I am no contact with them, have been for decades. They are vile, racist, right wing, fuckheads and I hope they are miserable.
I don’t want much. A roof over me and my son’s head. Food. The space to write. No man fucking SHOUTING at me.
Hey, guys, stop fucking SHOUTING can ya? Stop throwing your weight around. Stop posturing and playing the big I AM. My nerves are wrecked, Im wrecked. Fucking stop it. Stop killing us, stop hitting us, stop using us as fuck toys and stress relief. Stop. Women are human beings.
Then you get women, privileged safe women, telling me not to be so fucking ANGRY.
Come walk in my shoes, sisters…come try it…
whaaaaa??
BE FUCKING ANGRY AS HELL!!
I’m only reading the bits and pieces you share and it’s enough to make me wonder how you hold on to enough sanity/logic not to snap and do something really bad.
You are a good person, Leendadll…It’s just not me to snap, sweetheart. Im not that person. I sit here and cry instead, or write. Or play guitar and try and not just give up. Back when I was with Pig I just did what I could to survive for the kid’s sake. I stopped caring about myself.
That’s horrible. I admire your strength. I can only be pushed so far before having a few too many fantasies about killing people. I can’t imagine actually doing it but was also scared by how detailed my fantasies on e got. Like most women, wishing for my own death – but stopping shy of doing it – was how I coped. “Suicidal Ideation”, per the Megan Markle interview.
Oh lovely! Im far too mean to give up. Ill spite em by living and being happy instead!
YAY!!
I’m worn out. Literally living only to care for my kitties.
ah sweetie…i dont know what to say.. you sound so bright and nice,,,
Lol…
I’m so sorry you had to go through any of this. Your right Men are born being aggressive they know this and some use it to gain control. It’s wrong and just shows that they weren’t raised right. HURT PEOPLE, HURT PEOPLE!!! You and your son will have a beautiful life. Don’t worry. Xoxoxo
Hello Jackie! I am sorry! This went to my spam for some strange reason. Thank you from one devoted mother of a son to another. You always have a blogging friend in me, Jackie, I find your posts absolutely lovely. Hurt people. Loving people. Good people. Solidarity, sis!
Your so beautiful through your words. Just what I needed to hear before turning in for the night. Your one of a kind. Never change. Xoxo
I have the warm fuzzies now! Thank you! You too Jackie, keep on being that beautiful soul! We will turn a couple of lovely men out into the world to do some good!
I love the sound of that!!! Xoxo
You are lovely! I needed a bit of sweet kind female friendliness, Jackie. xoxo back!
we all do. us woman need to be nicer to eachother. if we dont empower eachother….who will??
Exactly! Men have no idea what it is to be a woman, or our struggles. I’m all for niceness.
Yassss QUEEEEEN!!!!! We have to be the change we want to see. We have to be about it not just talk a good game. Xoxo. Have an awesome day!!! I’m sure we will talk sooner than later.
Imagine how strong we are when we stand shoulder to shoulder. Outside of my shelter window I see women in a day to day struggle for survival. I do little things – I share food, I ask women how they are, I offer some solidarity. I’m barely doing better myself. Kindness, understanding, lifting up our sisters, supporting and understanding not prejudging them on the expressions of their hurt. Anger is ok. It is ok to be angry. This is all I can do. You have a wonderful day too, Jackie. I read your words and see your strength and bravery and think, my gosh, there is a QUEEN! You’ve got this, Jackie! Maybe we should commit acts of random support and kindness towards other females….it might be fun!
Wow!!! These words blow me away. Your so beautiful inside and out. Thank you xoxoox.
So are you, Jackie! I hope you have people telling you how awesome you are! How are you doing today? Thank you for taking the time to say hello to me tonight.
Your really sweet and yes I do. I’m great 🙂 thank for asking. Hope your great as well. Xoxoxo
I’m doing ok, thanks! It is nice and warm today, not so foggy! Hope today is full of nice things for you and your lovely son! He sounds like he is doing so well. It is immensely hard to keep them motivated, isn’t it!
Nice to hear your doing well. It’s sunny and beautiful here also. Hard is an understatement. All I want for my son is for him to succeed and take advantage of all this technology that is at his literal fingertips. I only could wish for these technologies when I was growing up. He is at a very tender age and he needs my support on a consistent basis and from everyone involved in his life. It def takes a village and I have a small herd. But it is a solid herd. I make sure the toxic family members don’t have easy access to him. I want him to know that he is HEARD!!! No one was listening to me as a child. I was overlooked,ignored and essentially failed miserably. It took years of soul searching and blind faith. I forgave EVERYONE and also FORGOT the ones who deserved the treatment and then some. Enjoy your day my darling. Xoxoxo.
Those wounds take some healing, Jackie. But you are protecting your boy from the same damage and it sounds like you realize that you are worth shielding too. Can I ask which state you are in? Im much older than you, and I could not even imagine computers when I was little. Im not saying it was all slates and chalkboards, but even at college, everything was done by hand or on a typewriter. You son is 12 if I remember rightly? Mine is 14, and doing so well. I’m pretty relaxed. I was pushed way too hard as a child, and now I just want the Boy to follow his dreams. He loves to cook. As long as he graduates high school and has a plan as to what he wants to do in life, Im quite chilled. Just not the army! Please God not the military! It is just me and the Boy, no family, but we struggle along, and to be frank, he is my best friend. We are much happier in a big city. Being mixed race in rural parts of the west coast, and earlier in Minnesota, was just not ok for him. He started to feel quite angry, prejudged and hurt. He is now confident, his head is up, he walks tall. Im so glad you remembered to forget the ones that don’t deserve your time and effort and mental space. You are a star. You always have a friend in me, Jackie. You enjoy your day too, sweetie, x
Sorry for late reply I work nights at a popular restaurant so we get insanely busy on the weekends. But I just turned 41. I def don’t look the part no one ever believes me when I tell them. I’ve lived in NEW Jersey since I was maybe 6. My dad was in the army so we traveled a lot before settling in New Jersey.
I love New York/New Jersey! How are things over there right now after the tough 2020? You do not in any way look 41, you lucky lady! I hope things are going safely as possible at work? 🌺🌺🌺