The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Open for business every day at nine

She’ll investigate your motives

Find out who drank all the wine

And if you ever stumble

Whenever you fall

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Is waiting for your call

It’s unlikely that you’ll ever get through

That line is rarely free

But if you come a knocking

Ingrid will sit ya on her knee

She can tell you which silk robe to rumble

Which line to can

Which chord is a bust

And which soup will cause the shit

To hit the art scene fan.

The costs for this service

The rates for this nightly entente

Are rarely discernable

It is not money she wants

She has no need of your bottle

Her stash is bigger than yours

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Wants simply not to be bored.

So get outta here you cowboy angels

You two bit wanna be ingenues

You had better scarper all you pretenders

Who want to block off the Louvre

You can take your Rembrandts out that door

Your folk singing sensations exit stage right

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency is

Up for her seventh straight night.

Geniuses only need apply

Anyone with something new to say

May stay the night

But you better say it quickly

Or else

Get out of her sight.

But if you are ever lost for words

If you punk has lost all of it’s spunk

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Has got all the edge you could ever want.

“Let’s not beat around the bush Gerald, dear

Oh I forgot, you are strictly queer

Rory have you seen my hat?

Who used it as a basin, forget all that

It’s cold in here who turned off the heat

My stomach

My thighs

Ill soak my feet

You look tacky

You’re washed up

Are you listening?

I need to call up

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Open for business every day at nine

She’ll investigate your motives

Find out who drank all the wine

The service is free in exchange for a contribution

A glance, a touch, a scene

Don’t forget our motto is

Be Wierd but never Mean

Punks and junkies

Oh I dare thees

All grist to our mill

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Is never short of pills.

She’ll stick you in the buttocks

Stab you on first sight

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Is pure white white

Light

If your party is a lagging

If your fuel gauge is hovering around

The basement floor

Never fear, the Ingrid Stick

Detective Agency

Always has some more.

If you are searching for a bold bold statement

Of faith in the universe

You’d better look elsewhere

But if you need a nurse…

If you are looking for enlightenment

King Hip is holding court next door

But if you are in need of a push

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Is a venus in furs.

The boudoir girls are dime a dozen

I’d rather talk to Rory’s dead cat

For sparkling conversation

You need something more than

A leopard skin pill box hat.

Watch that speed freak watch that speed freak

This is a salon not a pig pen, I fear

And if you are going to insist on going blue

The exit’s over there, my dear

Just a pin prick just a pin prick

Up to the thirteenth hour

Two weeks up, two days straight

Is a recipe for this party going sour

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Has all the answers you require

Like how many quaaludes set off a shot

And how come Louis is never wired?

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Has bugs in the bedrooms of the rich

She knows who prefers the houseboy

And who has a genital itch

Im talking about

Gloria

Im talking about

Gloria

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Has everything squared away

The Ingrid Stick Detective Agency

Call them today.

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